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Helping Junior to make friends

In the first quarter of the school year, getting your child to make friends may perhaps not be one of the priorities. Yet friends help children to adapt more easily to school life, especially at a new school. According to the Family Youth and Community Sciences Department at the University of Florida, researchers found that children who lack friends may suffer from emotional and mental  difficulties later in life.

Friends are more than fun and distractions. Inter— acting with other children helps a child to learn communication skills, cooperating with others, managing emotions and much more. Children with good social skills are able to express themselves clearly and communicate with the appropriate manners. They are able to show consideration for others while asserting decisiveness and authority in necessary situations. Moreover, when children have friends in class, they tend to look forward to going to school. And, like all other skills, social skills have to be learnt.

If your child is having a little trouble making friends, there are some things you can do to help.

Create opportunities for your child to interact with others. Invite other children to your house to play. Have your child participate in activities and clubs that interest him/her. Your older children may want to chat with their friends online or through the phone, and you should not ban them outright for using technology. Do set some ground rules. Refrain from stopping your child from going out with friends unless absolutely necessary. Setting a curfew is fine but do understand that having a social life is important for your child.

Help your child manage negative feelings and solve problems. Ask how your child is coping in school, not just about homework, but about interactions with classmates and teachers. Encourage your child to share his/her happiness and concerns about social situations in school. Listen and validate his/her feelings. For example, if your child speaks of being left out of a ball game, you might say, “It sounds like you’re upset because you think your friends don’t like you.” and then try to work out some solutions together. If you hear your child quarreling with friends, let them work it out by themselves. You only step in if it gets out of hand. There is a tendency for protective parents to side with their own child regardless, and that is both damaging to the friendship as well as the child’s growth.

Don’t judge or criticise your child’s friends in his/her presence. Refrain from interfering with your child’s social life if he/she is managing fine and said friends are not being a negative influence or behaving badly. After all, you wouldn’t like it if your own folks or significant others criticise your friends.

lmpart appropriate social behaviour. Poor social behaviour is a common hurdle to making friends. No child likes another who is rude, violent and takes things without asking for permission. Family members are essential role models for young children. Whether it is greetings, the Ps and Qs or asking permission to borrow stuff, setting these family rules and getting the child involved will be a significant boost to his/ her social skills.

Help your child learn games and sports that are popular among his/her age group. Children make friends over games, and if your child knows the rules and basic skills of the game, it would be easier to join in. Don’t pressure your child to play games that he/she doesn’t like, but find out what he/she is interested in and help your child to learn it. Get your child to enjoy the fun of playing with others, and not be the overbearing smarty pants that tries to outdo everyone else, as that is one of the surest ways to lose friends.

Have a very shy child? Certainly shyness raises the difficulty levels for making friends, but there are ways to draw your child out of his/her shell. In the company of competitive, overbearing children, a shy child may feel overwhelmed. Help your child to find playmates with suitable temperaments, and create opportunities where they may play together without being “challenged” by others.

It’s not a number game. Don’t sweat it if your child does not seem to have many friends. Some people prefer just one or two close friends instead of a large circle of friends. Ultimately, what it all boils down to is that your child is happy with his/ her friends and looks forward to going to school and participating in social activities.

If your child is unable to make friends, speak to the teacher, or counsellor who would be able to  give you professional support and advice.

Is your child a victim of bullying?

Frequent signs:

  • Damaged clothes and/or belongings
  • Unexplained Injuries, possibly from fighting (cuts, scratches, bruises)
  • Disinterest, even fear, of going to school
  • Doesn’t talk about friends anymore
  • Dramatic drop in grades
  • Wants to be left alone
  • Depressed and moody
  • Takes different route to and from school

Bullying is detrimental to a child of any age and should never be taken lightly. To make matters more difficult, victims of bullies are prone to suffering in silence. There have even been cases of suicides attributed to bullying. If you suspect your child is a victim, do talk to him/her, as well as authority figures in the place where the bullying has been taking place with the aim of putting a stop to the bullying.

– This article first appeared in a lifestyle magazine